You’d think finding clothing to swim in would be a simple project. I’ve helped my boys do it many times and it only takes minutes. But ask any *normal* woman about this shopping experience and your likely to get less sighing involved had you asked about her up coming *girly apt* or as much terror in her eyes had you asked about childbirth.
Why is this? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can’t a manufacturer make a swimsuit that doesn’t make a woman feel like the monster from the blue lagoon? And more importantly, why do we feel like we need to look like a Victoria’s Secret model at the Y anyway?
I’ve seen myself in the mirror, on the cold mornings when everything is standing at attention and happy to see me; I’ve seen my body on the way too warm of nights, when everything is tired and ever closer to the floor. I’m proud to have brought forth four children from that same body and would love it if the whole world wanted to share in that pride while looking at my stretch marks, flat chest and dimpled backside. But strangely enough, I’ve never once seen a Victoria’s Secret, or more realistically, Land’s End model with a stretch mark or dimpled thigh. She may have a toddler on her hip, but there is no evidence it came from her.
I also know that my dear, devoted, loving hubby thinks I’m “hot” in what ever I choose to wear (he’s so good to me), I don’t think the other men, under the age of 80, would agree. Not that I’m trying to impress anyone, I would just like to feel a little less like a lit beacon, that everyone has to hide their eyes from, when I walk out to the pool.
I will grant you, my issue is one I probably shouldn’t complain about to most women, but honestly, we are all having the same issue, we just take a different path. Just like everyone else, I want to be covered as much as possible, a burqa is starting to look very cozy. I imagine it would be a little tough to swim in however!
The issue arises when we get down to the fact that I’m not your average size. I can’t go to the Plus Size section that has some fabulous and very sexy suits from the vintage “Pin-up” line, nor can I go to the petite section, which apparently means I’m 90 and as round as I am tall? I can however go to the kids section, which means a nice Pooh ruffled bikini or a glittery Disney princess one piece – hmmm, I like sparkly but really….
A two piece is the obvious choice, since I’m to short for an adult/Jr’s one piece, unless I feel like showing way to much on either end due to the extra 3 inches the material would offer. And granted, I love a nice triangle top for a day at the beach when I’m sitting on the sand, reading and keeping a close eye on the boys, and not going anywhere NEAR the water! It would not be a suitable choice for actual swimming, or say holding a thrashing 9-year-old boy who’s afraid of the water. No one wants to see my “nothings” hanging out of my top! So, a tankini top would be the perfect solution for being covered, while eliminating the size issue. And of course, board shorts! I LOVE board shorts! They cover my, as my first-born said today “th-ass”, or as I say, my second butt. That area just below your keester, or at least below where your keester used to be, that has now morphed into your thigh. Yeah, I would like to keep that little secret to myself thank you! So a tankini and board shorts, how hard could that be to find?
*Oh My Word!*
I looked at suits for nearly 5 hours yesterday on-line, there had to be over 500 suits. If it was my size, it was $50+ per piece (my hubby would rightfully pitch a fit if I bought a $100 suit!) if it was the right price, it was out of my size. Never mind the color, it could have been puke green, or *gasp* PINK, for all I cared, as long as it was what I needed!
To no avail. I came up empty in my “shopping carts”. I did however end up with a big glass of wine!
Today we went out so the boys could burn their last remaining Christmas money (heaven forbid they save it?) and I bought a pair of board shorts and a tank top. This will be my swimwear…. until my fabric shows up!
Yup, that’s right. I’m “diving” into that no-man’s land of swimwear! Any suggestions, tips, warnings, stories or help on sewing a swimsuit would be highly prized and appreciated! I admit, I’ve made one before, but not out of anything stretchy or that required anything special. I actually have no idea what the fabric is that I used for the main part of the suit, it just felt like the boys’ swim trunks, so I went with it?
Again, while this suit is great for a day at the beach (usually with a cute little, gauzy cover-up), not so good for holding a child in chlorinated water. We don’t want anything floating away or disintegrating, much to the embarrassment of us all!
So – a new adventure will begin for me, all due to this lovely experience in personal torture; next up a PAP with a cute, male doctor or maybe shooting out a big booger at the dentist office!