I’ve been trying to blog for a week or so now, but without sucking everyone down with me into the weirdness that has been our life these last few months. As things drag on with “that house”, the upcoming move…. the loss of the dogs…. and the appliances…. and the renters…. and doctors appt’s…. and now an unsure date for the return of my dentist man, I’m starting to even ignore myself.
I can either succumb to what seems like overwhelming circumstances, become bitter, mean and grouchy or I can do what the good Lord is intending and learn from all of this making me the awesome imp He’s been working towards for thirty-some-odd years now.
We all know that I’m dying to learn to surf (ok, maybe not dying but I *really* want to) so a surfing analogy works best for me to describe what has been going on in my head for the last month or so…. follow me please as we take a walk through the pictures in my brain.
I hold on to my board while the waves get bigger and faster as they come to me, knocking me off each time. It get’s harder to pull myself up and out of the surf with the weight of the water and salt sticking to my burnt skin. My tired muscles from pulling myself up over and over and the usually friendly sun, suck what little energy I have left with each wave.
With one last-ditch effort I pull myself up on my board and lay on it for a while, feeling the still frequent waves pass under me while I catch my breath during a lull in their strength. I turn to see others in the distance still being knocked over, going under, walking away, leaving. I could do this too. It would feel so good to just walk away, mumbling under my breath that it’s all too hard. I’m tired. This isn’t fun any more. The sun is too hot, the water too cold. The salt is hurting my eyes. There’s too many people. The boards too heavy. I have no one to help me. There’s too many waves and they’re so big that I can’t see passed them.
I turn my head to look out into the surf and see someone riding a huge wave – they’re amazing! Totally wish I could do that too – AND make it look so easy. As they come in, they see me sitting up on my board watching, probably looking like a half-drown kitten. They yell something to me, but I can’t hear them over my own discouraging thoughts and the waves crashing in around me. Swimming over to me, they ask if I’d like a little help?
Well ya! I want to surf that way too!
We swim out to where the waves start. Holding my board to keep my feet steady and shouting out just the right advice that seem’s to be exactly what I need to hear, the next wave comes. With them holding on to me, this time, I glide – it feels so perfect! All of a sudden the water feels satisfying against my salted skin again and the sun gives me energy like it did before. I still shake, and wobble, even fall, but I hear their words behind me that tell me what to do next, to keep steady and holding out their hand when I need help up. Not only do I have their advice – but they’re encouragement too! They point out what I do well, what I could improve on. They remind me how great the water is again.
From this, I become more steady on my own, with each passing wave I feel stronger and more confident, but always referring back to those words, to this friend, to this time. Knowing how to ride out the big waves makes the little ones seem so easy now and seeking out the next big wave, exciting – so I can learn something new.
It wasn’t the waves, the ocean or the sun that had changed, it was me. Becoming stronger and better able to see through the sting is what makes the ride worth while.
Knowing what I know now, when I see the others around me falling, struggling, going under, I will be able to swim to them and show them how to be steady through the strongest waves. I can cheer them on. It’s no fun to be on the water alone; I want to stand as many people as I can on their boards so we can share the fun back on the cool beach when the sun goes down. With a beer in our hand, a fire in the sand and music in the background we can share our stories like warriors of the past.