Our first-born turns 18 this week. It’s a shock for us – let’s face it, we’re not old enough to have a kid that age. HA!
Ok, let’s be honest, my first-born was a high school graduation “surprise” (as though we really didn’t know how it happened). Not everyone likes surprises as much as others apparently?
All I could think of that first day we found out was my career counselor in high school telling me loudly “With grades like this, you might as well just start having babies. You’ll never be able to do anything worth while.” As though being a mom was the worst thing you could be?
Over the objections of a lot of people, my boyfriend of two years and I decided that this little one wasn’t a choice. I offered to let him head for the hills and not tell anyone who the baby belonged to, but not a chance, he was in it for the long hall.
After we let people know, a lot of friends walked away, and even my church asked me to stop coming. I was ignored, talked about, told off and called names. Boxes filled with very used baby items with notes attached telling me that “this is what you get when you have a baby before you’re married” arrived, even though I worked and could afford to buy them myself.
We had people offer our baby to others without our permission, handing us couples numbers telling us that “they would really love a baby and they’ve already talked with them.” I had the nurse who was supposed to give me information on how to take care of myself while pregnant attempt to threaten me into an appointment to “get rid of it”.
Rude comments, whispers and dirty looks from strangers, co-workers, checkers, nurses and anyone else who felt the need to chime in, as though their opinion mattered, came rolling in to “encourage” us.
My boyfriend and I visited almost every weekend while he was up north working on his first year of college. You’d be amazed how caring and protective frat boys can be when it comes to one of their “brothers” baby’s! Leaving me in the care of our wonderful midwife who protected and encouraged me and a few friends who were amazing to me, while I stayed behind to finish up work.
9 months later, he came down for a surprise visit that must have been a little too exciting for me – that Sunday, our first-born arrived on his exact due date. 7 lbs 14 oz – 19 inches. 5:03 am.
We got married 6 months later right before he left for basic training and we’re still happily married today!
This “thing” that was supposed to ruin our lives and should never be born has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to us. He was supposed to keep us from succeeding, from having a life and from doing anything important. Instead – he was a reason to work harder, be better and to love him, and each other that much more. I wish everyone could have someone to work that hard for!
Not only has my husband become dentist, but has worked his way up from enlisted to an officer in both the Air Force and the Navy.
I have opened my own business that allows me to have full control over my work and how I take care of my family.
What you view as “having a life” depends on what you think having a life is. A party every weekend or waking up next to a husband and cookie breathed baby IS a life – it’s an excellent, wonderful, crazy life that would have been robbed from me if I had listened to all the people who told me – that this isn’t a life.
And what makes a job important? Is teaching a child his ABC’s important, or being there to scare the monsters away? Is teaching your sons that girls are to be honored, something to be proud of? If it weren’t for people who give up their lives for others…. if it weren’t for parents, people who do “something important” wouldn’t exist. THIS…. is important!
Honestly – it wasn’t easy. My guess is that’s why God said to do it the other way around! But please, can someone show me something in life, that is worth while, that is easy?
Didn’t think so!
He is graduating from high school and college with honors. He’ll have a 2 year degree when he walks out of our house in a few months. He’s already run his own baking business, traveled several states, helped me with his brothers while his dad is serving his country, shown amazing leadership skills at home, work, school and church. He has shown us that he’ll be an amazing man, husband, father and Christian. He’s been one of my best friends and biggest challenges from the first day I learned about him. I can’t imagine our life or the world without him.
I am so glad we didn’t believe anyone when they told us that he was the worst choice we could make or didn’t believe that he was something to “take care of”. We didn’t believe that he was a cause for sadness. He was ours, from the first moment we knew about him!
It did take a while for the reality to set in though….
I say to all of you –
– who profess to say you are “pro-life” and then give the stink eye of shame to the 16-year-old who keeps her baby – you are hypocrites! Instead encourage her, walk beside her – trust me, she already knows all the things she’s done wrong and doesn’t need your help to feel any worse. She needs your encouragement and loving guidance. God doesn’t make mistakes, even if we can’t see the reason.
I say to all of you –
– who say you are “pro-choice” and then chastise the girl for keeping her baby, telling her that her life is over, she’s ruining everything you or she’s got planned for life – this is her *choice*! Back her up, help her. Don’t tell her that her life is over and all she can do is nothing and welfare is her only option. She is an amazing person, with an amazing person in the making.
Better yet – tell her AND the father!
Thank you to everyone who believed in us, backed us up, helped us, talked with us, stayed with us and didn’t remind us. You helped us make an amazing man. I hope to be able to pass this gift on someday.
I can’t wait to see what’s in store for him!