Here’s the dealio –
With my current project affording me extra thinking time, I started to remember when my dentist man was one of the lowest men on the totem pole in the military (we’re talking E-3 here). I would meet these women in the higher ranks who were sort of loud, sort of know-it-all’s, sort of obnoxious and sort of ran ram-shot over most of us younger gals… and civilians. They sort of scared me. I remember telling him that I never wanted to act like that.
Nearly 20 years later and here I’ve discovered I’m “that woman”. Well crap!
In the military world, I was in the middle somewhere. Not a fresh newbie wife who knew nothing of what was about to happen to her and not the 20 years in veteran wife who had seen it all, either. Nor was I so ingrained into the military lifestyle that civilian life scared or called to me. I knew how to get certain things done easily and still had questions about others. And when I was around other military wives, I fit in just fine that way. Not too quiet, not too loud. I knew “my place” (don’t try to tell me mil wives don’t have a pecking order!). Not to mention we’ve been in and out of the military, active duty and reserves and in different branches. We’ve been around!
Now in the civilian world… all these attributes mean I’m loud, I’m abrupt. I ask too many questions. I know a little about a lot. I’ve been to more places than most people I’m around and experienced things they may never know or understand. I’m self-reliant and I get it done and now. (As my poor dentist man recently learned the hard way.) I may at times, even run ram shot over people to get things done. “Waiting until your husband get’s home” may not have happened for months, so I’ve gotten used to packing, discipline, home maintenance, school, doc visits, paperwork and anything else the average civilian does with their spouse, done solely by me. Not because my dentist man is lazy, but because that’s what we’re used to. That’s what most military spouses are used to. The last few years in particular!
So where is this all leading to?
Looking back at those loud, obnoxious, know-it-all women, I now understand them a little better. I get that they’re loud because that’s how you get heard. They seem obnoxious, because you sometimes have to be pushy to get things done and really don’t need your approval. And maybe, just maybe the really did know-it-all… or at least a lot.
I think I’m starting to like this part of me. I get it done. I get it done quickly. I have endurance and flexibility for the insane, crazy and throw-up-your-hands changes in life. I know what I want, because I’ve experienced it. I know what I really don’t like, because I’ve experienced it. I also know that I do need my man for support, but I don’t need him right here with me all the time. A weekend trip (or his two-week tour this month) can sometimes be a welcome break to remember how much I love him. I can deal with the big boys – once you take on the military to get things done, state officials and inept renters start to feel like small potatoes.
While I’m still “finding my place” here – instead of shying away from this crazy woman, I think instead, I’m going to let her out a little more often. Enjoy her a little more, and if the people around me find it a bit too much, they’re probably boring anyways.
I want to be the type of wife who would do THIS while her dentist man is gone!