My Blanken World

My world of boys, textiles and moving.

….aaannnddd I’m back. February 11, 2017

 

 

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“From where?” you may say.  From working outside the home 30-40 hours a week, on top of babysitting our mortgage companies antics – away from my boys and all that keeps me, me.

Not to say I didn’t enjoy my work – I have a secret – I LOVE WORKING!  And there lies my problem.  I love working so much, that I tend to over due it.  Family… what family?

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So, after 6 months, and the majority of our repair bills paid off (would have been more if Seterus would stop screwing up our mortgage… but I digress..), I’ve come home again.  And four hours after being out of work, I was going nuts!  But that’s ok.  I had plans….

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…two days after that, I sprained my wrist severely on our lovely, lovely ice/snow/ice combo.

*There goes my plans*

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I enjoyed my very active job.  I enjoyed helping people feel better.  I enjoyed helping them find what they needed.  And I enjoyed “owning” “my section”.   I loved my co-workers, and most of the people I met.  (I’m talking to you crazy woman who commented on my parenting skills!)

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Beforehand I thought God had given this to us just at the right time to give us the extra cash we needed to get these bills paid off.  But I started to realize He gave it to me at this time to help tire me out.  Spin my wheels a bit.

I’m a doer.  A fixer.  I want something; I make it myself.  I want something done; I get it done myself.  And I keep trying to fix this problem myself.  The last few years though, I’m slowly starting to get that I can’t.  I have to give it to God – AND LEAVE IT.  And for someone like myself, that. is. excruciating.

Yes we got some extra cash to pay down the repair bills, but He threw in a few extra kinks to show me that there will always be something, if I allow it, to keep me from enjoying my family and the life He’s set out for us.

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And my plans for getting the whole house cleaned and the renovation started back up, got kicked out from under me with a sprained wrist.

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*ARE YOU FINALLY READY TO REST AND GIVE IT TO ME*

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What my bible study ladies, my dentist man, and God have all been trying to tell me for a very long time.

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And as I’m arguing…. eh er… praying this morning in frustration over not knowing our next step.  What I should be doing.  Feeling like a flopping fish out of water.  My daily bible verse showed up.

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Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

– Psalm 27:14 (NIV)
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Ahhh… I love it when that happens.
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Will it be easy for me?  Oh heck no!  But it is the guidance I was asking for.
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Sometimes doing nothing, takes the most strength.
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So, I’m back.  There will be sewing again.  There will be renovating again.  There will be comical stories about my insane family again.  A few life lessons thrown in between there again.
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And thank you for your patience, again.
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mountains

 

 

 

Battle lines October 9, 2016

 

 

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*Sigh*  I know, I know it’s been a while; to be honest, I’ve been too exhausted to do much of anything as of late.  When I left you last, I had just been hired to work for a grocery chain (to remain unnamed, but they are pretty awesome) in the natural department – right up my alley!  Between the wonky schedule (I work 2 am – 10 am’sh some days, and others 4 pm – 10 pm’sh… but it’s a job, so I don’t complain) and sometimes long hours – this schedule is not conducive to good sleep, or creating an over abundance of extra energy.  Along with continuing renovations, homeschooling, a few more sewing projects and time at the clinic, there is little down time.  But, they work around our school schedule (thank you boss man!), and it’s only temporary until we get the last of the repair bills for “that house” paid off.

 

*I can sleep when I’m dead.*

 

But what prompted me to sit for a few minutes between laundry, ironing, chores, reminding children of their chores, plotting dinner and the Dave Ramsey class my dentist man and I are about to leave to…

…the pastor said something that caught my attention this morning.

 

~ Fight for, not against ~

 

Hmmm….

Back during WWI and WWII the generals knew that their men would fight harder, if they knew what they were fighting for, as opposed to what they were fighting against.  After all, you knew what your mother, sister, wife/girlfriend, country looked like, smelled like and felt like.  What does the enemy look like?  What do they really believe?  Are they really that bad?  But, if you could tell those boys that their families were at stake, you could bet they’d fight twice as hard, against who ever, or what ever they were told the enemy was.

 

Since we moved into “that house” in 2007, I have been fighting various battles.  Between neighbors that decided they didn’t want us there, borough workers that agreed, judges and police chiefs that were too lazy, or too corrupt to do their jobs for everyone equally.  Government that enables, someone else’s drug habits, and insurance companies that didn’t want to cover… anything.  Or mother nature herself – that wench!

To be fair, there were many people through this that were amazing – and they are still helping us fight these battles!

Today’s words in church made me pause though – I’ve been completely exhausted working to clean up the mess brought on by other people’s mistakes (and a few of our own).  I’ve been fighting for a house I loathe, in a town that has repeatedly shown me they didn’t want us there.  I have been fighting against them for far too long.  I’m tired.  I really want to be done.

But… what if I fought for it?  What if I fought for my family?  Fought for the town?  Fought for a real change?  Fought for our future?  Such a small change makes such a huge difference!

So much easier to work for something, than against it!

 

Are you fighting against alcoholism, or fighting for your future ?

Are you fighting against depression, or fighting for your health?

Are you fighting against divorce, or fighting for your marriage?

Are you fighting against corruption, or fighting for honesty?

 

When you are for something, you have a future, hope and something to dream of.  When you fight against something, you just have a struggle.

 

This worked perfectly with the bible study we recently finished about the Armor of God.  Using our armor – fight for what God has given us, not against what the enemy has put in front of us.

The battles will never go away, but we can fight them in the right way.

 

So…

…what are you going to stop fighting against, and start fighting for?

 

lady-armour

 

Some sort of new year January 2, 2016

Filed under: Family,Pets,Random thoughts — blankenmom @ 7:44 pm
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Happy New Year to everyone!  

 

Something we can all share in.  No religious, cultural, or ethnic differences there, we all experience the new year.  Like birth and death, we all experience it differently, but we all experience it none-the-less.

And in the same way, we look forward to the upcoming year in different ways.

Our last few years have been a little rough.  And my normally “Pollyanna’ish” outlook has become a bit less as of late.  In other words – I was dreading the upcoming year.  All I could see were more rental issues.  More military issues.  More teenager issues.  More… issues.  And another move and a lot of chaos where I’d rather have some peace.

And right as I was attempting to pull myself out of the funk before the new year struck, Travelers, the insurance company for American Water denied our claim (stating that the water issue was our fault), our van door handle broke, and my dentist man’s CRV’s wiring went haywire causing his front lights to go out randomly.  And the pug has a giant… something on her nose.

Excellent start to the new year already.

And this is where I had to make a choice.  Probably a choice a lot of us have to make.

How are we going to head into this next step?   How are we going to look at life and what comes at us?

I can’t just drop the last year and all it’s mess, life doesn’t work that way.  So I head into this new year tired, run down, full of dread.  But, I also head into it with a lot more wisdom.  A lot more knowledge.  And lot more faith.  And just as I was about to give up, and just let everything fall apart around me, I was reminded that this isn’t for me to carry.  I need to hand this last worn and heavy year off the Lord, and allow Him to hand back the new year.  Fresh and light.  And I’ll walk through it with Him, battle worn and marked with scars from all the years before, so that I can remember what He’s carried me through.

We shouldn’t pretend that we’re not affected and that we’re all ready for the next step.  It’s ok to admit when you need help to move on.  The important part, is that you do move on.

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So forgive me if I don’t say that I’m completely stoked for the upcoming year.  I can say, that I am excited to tell you about how I got through it.

 

 

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And I can’t wait to see watch how great your new year goes!

 

 

 

 

Moving on… January 1, 2015

 

 

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Just as everyone else is posting their year-end post, I thought I should, in between firework displays, get my few words in as well.  (Short of my beginning of the year wifi crash.)

 

As I sit back and reflect, 2012/13 are still haunting us, no matter how hard we try to toss them away.  The flooding brought on side effects that will last us for forever I’m now thinking, as “that house” may follow us to our eternal resting place, probably still flooding.

 

 

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The passing of our faithful companions, brought about two new ones this last year.  I’m still deciding if that’s a good thing or not?  Lady has definitely been good for us!  On the other hand, anyone want a pug that poops on their bed?

The cat, who turned 20 this month has decided on a few new places to curl up, so even she has a few new tricks up her furry sleeve to bring to the new year.

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2014 brought about a new practice for my dentist man, albeit 4 hours away, but that just means I get to decorate a house AND an apartment – yay for me?!  It also makes for a good transition from him being on the ship, to him being home… constantly… for days at a time.  This is a good transition for us!

 

 

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The boys have started finally making friends, and enjoying school (for the one who attends outside school).  Finding their place in our new place.  Which is good because they were starting to, you know, act a little weird – darn homeschoolers!  And the oldest, finding out what it’s like to be a “real” adult – can someone say *food budget and Mustang payment*!

 

And, as I’ve posted before, this last year brought about quite the challenge with our thieving, lying, crazy people who haunted me night and day.  That is one thing we can say about 2015 with certainty – at least they will be out of “that house”!  *see my happy, happy dance*

 

 

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The biggest thing we’re taking away from 2014 and into 2015 is that God has carried us through this whole last year.  Days without work, paychecks that shouldn’t have carried us through, days where my body didn’t think it could make it.  Stress levels that made it so I could hear my heartbeat in my head (which I have been informed by my dentist man is not a good thing) and paperwork up to our eyeballs.

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We’re still here.  We’re still strong.  We’re still able to help others out.  We’re still smiling.  We’re still full of faith.

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While part of me is terrified of the new year and what new crazy things He has planned so that we can grow, a bigger part of me is excited to see what new things He has planned to bless us with.

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So, bring it on 2015!

2015

 

Perspective June 25, 2012

Filed under: Family,Hubby,Random thoughts — blankenmom @ 10:26 pm
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Often times what we think is going on, is all about what we see and when – perspective. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hate crowds because all I see are “butts and boobs”; neither of which are good when you’re in a crowd.  My dentist man doesn’t mind them (crowds that is) because he can see over all this and get to where he’s going.  Where-as I don’t mind traffic because it gives me a minute to think about where I’m going, he doesn’t have the same appreciation however.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two different perspectives on the same situations.  We’re both there, but we see things completely different.

 

 

 

 

 

Have you ever had a day where you thought you were lookin’ good?  Your outfit looked great, your hair cooperated, your wrinkles took a day off – you’re hot and you know it!  You pass by several people you think are into you and you nod a big “Hey, what’s up!”  You get home and you see a giant boog hanging out of your nose…… yeah, awesomeness.

 

Perspective, it’s all about what you see at the time.

 

 

 

 

 

After our long three years in “that house”, with a crazy bully neighbor and a horribly run town, I thought I had been defeated.  Even though 99% of the people we met were absolutely wonderful and I can’t imagine life without knowing them, one or two people still ruined our entire experience.  And when I mean ruined I mean, ulcer causing, panic attack inducing, my kids are afraid to go outside, hand me another drink, ruined!  After asking the Lord to give me the words and wisdom to counter this attack on my family for the whole three years, I felt I was being met with silence.  Nothing….

 

…… or so I thought.

 

It’s been almost 2 years now since we’ve been gone and I’m starting to really recover.  The boys playing out front in the street no longer cause me to panic that they’ll get yelled at.  People passing my window no longer cause me to turn and look in fear of someone looking in or police pulling up.  Seeing or hearing a similar truck no longer makes my stomach turn and someone knocking at the door no longer fills me with dread of another court date.  Still, this whole time I had thought I had missed something.  Maybe I hadn’t been listening?  I did something wrong in the whole situation?

 

Again, perspective.

 

The other night I was reading about Job and his trials.  He never lost his faith in spite of everything that went on around him.  He questioned.  But he never lost his faith.  As I read that, my perspective changed from “Why didn’t I hear you Lord.  What was I doing wrong?” to “I survived.  Was made stronger and can make it through just about anything! ”  It wasn’t a test or a trial, it was a teaching moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

As we moved out there, I hated the whole place.  It wasn’t anything I wanted and frankly I wasn’t quite sure I could keep up with the craziness.  Realizing now what I’ve gotten out of it; not only could I keep up with it, I surpassed it!  I dealt with craziness on steroids!  Yes, it may have roughed me up, but I came out of it none-the-less!  I learned so much and met so many people who have helped us in so many ways.  It turns out that it was a blessing!

 

 

 

 

The little man in his little town, will always be there.  He’ll always be bitter, mean and angry.  I could choose to keep his issues, or I could hand them back and walk away with the lesson and gifts I got out of it instead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord wasn’t ignoring me; He was there the whole time.  He gave me people to hold me up, help me through and to take care of; laughs when I needed it and family to share it with.  He didn’t say He’d take us out of the bad situations; He said He’d be there with us through them.  After all, it’s in the fire where the clay get’s stronger, burns off the imperfections and get’s us to where He wants to be. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I may still be smoking but I’ve moved on to a better view.