My Blanken World

My world of boys, textiles and moving.

Recalibrating December 30, 2018

I am recalibrating my system

 

2017 was a whirlwind of crazy, crazy ups and downs that left me at rock bottom.  Which can be a good thing… When you’re down, you only have up to go right?  So I took 2018 to get back on my feet.  Recuperating takes time my friend.

This year was a great year to figure things out.  Recoup.  Learn.  Gather.  Recover.  Gain back strength.

Which means next year, I can start stronger.  More confident.  More knowledgeable and without the fear I carried for far too long.

When people talk about getting older, I’ve always laughed.  I don’t fear getting older.  It means I don’t get mistaken for a teenager any longer (yes, this can be a very good thing!) and it also means I’m one year closer to fully not giving a care about others opinions.  While I’m not totally there – I still wear a bra when I go places.  I do have a new sense of “What-evs!”.  My boys can attest to this.

 

The old thoughts, going back to childhood, went away.

Teachers telling me I would fail, merely for being me, went away.

Harsh words from strangers, that have held on for years, went away.

Worry about massive failure, went away.

Thinking I had to fix all the problems, went away.

 

They fell off on the way back up from rock bottom.  They’re still down there, but they were too heavy to bring back up with me.

 

A sermon discussing Job has been going through my head the last few months.  The pastor talked about Satan telling God that Job failed because he railed against Him.  He complained, and groaned.

God told Satan, “Yes, but he still came to me to do those things. He never turned away from Me, and he never disobeyed.  He did not fail.”

 

Failing isn’t going through hard times.  Failing is quitting during the hard times.

 

We started work on the bathroom – we were trying to get it done before a mission kid came from Costa Rica.  It won’t happen.  I discovered I have to change out the plumbing behind the wall before I can even think about tiling.  Which means learning a new skill, and possibly setting the house on fire.  After a day of researching, sweating, getting stressed.  I finally just ordered the parts and figured – if they don’t fit, I can send it back.  If my plumbing skills don’t work, I call in a plumber to fix it.

Asking for help is not failure.  Not having it work the first time is not a failure.  Giving up before even trying, is a failure.

Worst case scenario – I scorch the inside of the wall, lose water for a day (or so), and have to call in a plumber.  But I tried.  Better to have tried and failed, then to have never tried.  I’d rather fail at dozens of things, than do nothing, safely, having not learned a thing.

 

One more year.  Getting a little older.  A little closer to just not caring.  Learning a few more important lessons.  Letting go of a few people who needed to go, and gaining a few more that are needed.  I can’t think of a better way to remember a year.

 

What are your best memories from this last year?

 

Michael Broom

 

Some sort of new year January 2, 2016

Filed under: Family,Pets,Random thoughts — blankenmom @ 7:44 pm
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Happy New Year to everyone!  

 

Something we can all share in.  No religious, cultural, or ethnic differences there, we all experience the new year.  Like birth and death, we all experience it differently, but we all experience it none-the-less.

And in the same way, we look forward to the upcoming year in different ways.

Our last few years have been a little rough.  And my normally “Pollyanna’ish” outlook has become a bit less as of late.  In other words – I was dreading the upcoming year.  All I could see were more rental issues.  More military issues.  More teenager issues.  More… issues.  And another move and a lot of chaos where I’d rather have some peace.

And right as I was attempting to pull myself out of the funk before the new year struck, Travelers, the insurance company for American Water denied our claim (stating that the water issue was our fault), our van door handle broke, and my dentist man’s CRV’s wiring went haywire causing his front lights to go out randomly.  And the pug has a giant… something on her nose.

Excellent start to the new year already.

And this is where I had to make a choice.  Probably a choice a lot of us have to make.

How are we going to head into this next step?   How are we going to look at life and what comes at us?

I can’t just drop the last year and all it’s mess, life doesn’t work that way.  So I head into this new year tired, run down, full of dread.  But, I also head into it with a lot more wisdom.  A lot more knowledge.  And lot more faith.  And just as I was about to give up, and just let everything fall apart around me, I was reminded that this isn’t for me to carry.  I need to hand this last worn and heavy year off the Lord, and allow Him to hand back the new year.  Fresh and light.  And I’ll walk through it with Him, battle worn and marked with scars from all the years before, so that I can remember what He’s carried me through.

We shouldn’t pretend that we’re not affected and that we’re all ready for the next step.  It’s ok to admit when you need help to move on.  The important part, is that you do move on.

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So forgive me if I don’t say that I’m completely stoked for the upcoming year.  I can say, that I am excited to tell you about how I got through it.

 

 

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And I can’t wait to see watch how great your new year goes!