My Blanken World

My world of boys, textiles and moving.

Body shaming vs. Boy shaming September 5, 2015

Filed under: Boys,Family,Random thoughts — blankenmom @ 3:37 pm
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For 20 + years I’ve been surrounded by nothing but masculinity.  Excluding my fury “girls” I know very little of the feminine side, short of what I know of my tom-boy selfness.  My thoughts and actions tend toward the more masculine side with their own feminine flare (glitter power tools anyone!).

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With this in mind, I have a slightly unique perspective into both worlds.

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My FB feed is a lot of news; I’m a bit of a news junky.  And a lot of it lately has been on “body shaming” of girls for various reasons, among them for the way they want to dress.  They want to wear, what they want to wear.  And I for one love this idea since I have my own unique style… that is until I see what they want to wear and why.

I fully agree no adult should be told what to wear.  You’re an adult and make your own choices in life.  If you want to walk down the street with a giant pink foam cowboy hat, a glitter leotard and a blue boa, I’m all for it – I mean really, who *wouldn’t want to see that*!  Even if you walk down the street neked – it’s your right.  However…. you cannot tell me, not to look.  Or for that matter, form an opinion on said attire.  Neaner-neaner – it’s my right, same as yours.  This also means dealing with the consequences of that choice – say a lost job because your boa keeps getting caught in the meat grinder?

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Schools are asking girls to please refrain from certain outfits for various reasons (and boys for that matter) and they and their parents are getting their knickers in a wad because it’s “shaming” their body.  “They shouldn’t have to hide under burkas!  And boys should just learn to look the other way.”  *evil boys*  To a certain extent, you’re right.  Not on the body shaming, but that they shouldn’t have to hide under burkas, and boys should learn to look the other way.  But in all honesty, most girls dress a certain way, not to impress their friends or because it’s comfortable (seriously, are “Daisy Dukes” even remotely comfortable?”) but to have boys look.  A 5-year-old wearing spaghetti straps is not looking for boys attention, she’s comfortable.  It’s warm.  This is what she wears.  A 16-year-old, wearing “Daisy Dukes”, with a slashed, backless top with, or worse, without, a bra, is not only a distraction to the boys in the room, but the girls around her, AND the teacher, male or female.  Wearing see through leggings with a bright pink thong that says “Juicy” – I know I notice, could you imagine being a 16-year-old boy?

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Here’s the deal that parents of girls (and some boys) seem to forget.  Boys from about 13 – 26 are very, VERY, hormonally driven.  They’re not perverts.  There isn’t something wrong with them.  This isn’t something we should chastise them for.  This isn’t an illness.  And it isn’t something to fix.  This is how humanity survives.  People wonder what makes boys do some of the dumb things they do – girls!  Girls in sweats.  Girls in swim suits.  Girls in leggings.  Girls in pajama’s.  Girls in jeans.  Girls.  As their parents, it’s our job to shout over hormones until they can think over the hormones on their own.  And I seriously doubt Algebra is able to shout loud enough to do this?

Guys already have a hard enough time with body parts misbehaving at random moments of the day for no apparent reason – add to that see-through leggings on a perfect 16-year-old backside, and even the most chaste 80-year-old man will have a little “moment”.  And if I’m looking, so are guys.

And of course guys aren’t merely hormone driven, knuckle dragging, neanderthals either.  Boys (the gentlemen of the classification, not crappy “players”), love various other things.  But at this stage, their changing brains make doing just about anything way more challenging.

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Girls around that same age are also hormonally driven.  That’s why a lot of them are wearing these types of outfits.  I’m not talking about leggings at the gym, or wearing short-shorts at home watching t.v., or even non-see through leggings at school with a long t-shirt, because gosh darn it, they really are comfortable.  And it’s easier to think when you’re not being stabbed, cinched, wrapped, and contorted.  I’m talking about the swim-suits that leave half the cheek hanging out (ok, they don’t hang at that age).  I myself wear a bikini because swim-suits are too long and I want to keep everything inside the suite.  So a pair of board shorts and a tankini top to make sure everything is covered.  I get it, you can’t swim in the old-fashioned 1920’s full body wool suits.  I’m with you on that.  But leaving your butt cheek out and a sliver of a top isn’t making swimming any easier (which is obvious by all the tugging, adjusting and checking), it’s just letting people see as much of you as possible.

Just don’t look right?  Standing in front of you in the water park, one step up and there a poor 13-year-old boy stands, with a girls keester 6 inches from his face.  Even I’d want to goose her!  Or in class, as she leans forward to ask someone in front of her a questions without even a thought to her what her backside is doing, and her now half covered buns are a foot from his face.  So he looks to the left so as to not “stare” and the girl next to him is grabbing her books and her top is so loose he can see to her navel.  He looks at his paper and draws a complete blank.  “What class am I in again?”

Seriously – why can’t you just be less human guys?

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I once asked a guy about the more revealing outfits, “Sure, I love those!  But I wouldn’t marry a girl who wore one?  She’s already shown everybody everything.  What’s left for me?”

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Wow!  Even I was shocked by that answer.

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I completely agree that rape isn’t about what the girl is wearing.  It’s about control.  It can happen no matter who, or what you are wearing.  But when a girl is wearing as little as possible, she’s given all her control away.  She’s given everything away.  She’s just making it a little easier to justify in the attackers head.  Luckily majority of boys and men will turn and look the other way because they’ve been taught to ignore every fiber of their sexual being and walk away.  They have control.

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“But stores only put this type of clothing out?!”  No, no they don’t.  There are stores that exist that make clothing that covers all the right parts, male or female.  And no, they aren’t Amish looking.  And buying it only makes them purchase more to display.  If they made thongs for a 3-year-old would you buy it?  (Maybe you shouldn’t answer that?)  No, because it sexuallizes them?  Ah – yes, yes it does.  And the same for the 10, 12 and 16-year-old.

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modest

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Added to all of this is a huge double standard.  Men can show off as much, or as little of their body as they want and women are encouraged to ogle, “What a hottie!”  No problem.  A girl shows off everything and boys are shamed for even a passing glance.  And if a guy in school were to dress a bit more provocatively, say, letting his “happy trail” show (oh, don’t fake like you don’t know what that is) he’d be considered a perv and told to cover it, he wouldn’t be a victim of “body shaming”.   Schools ask them to not let their skivvies show (in most schools), but no one has an issue with that standard.  Why is it ok for a girls thong to show?

While my boys are in the house, I make sure to dress them as to not be a distraction to those around them.  One child had a purple fohawk, that was about as wild as we got.  Why, because we wanted them safe, and thought about those around us, and about our sons futures and how what they do now, may affect that future.

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No matter where you come from in life, religious or not, sex was a design/function built-in to us for pleasure and for carrying on the human race.  Our bodies were made to induce certain things in each other.  And let’s face it, neked bodies are pretty awesome!  That’s why we keep them covered (hopefully), so as to a) not freeze/burn to death, b) make cooking bacon easier, and c) not be turning everyone on, all the time – I mean, somebody has to do some real work around here!

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I am no prude.  I love my yoga pants, I wear a bikini (sort of) and think sex rocks.  Which brings me back to the beginning.  I know how my brain works, and that majority of the time it’s thinking about sex.  Which means as a girl (woman, female, duddette, chick) I have to control myself so that others are able to control themselves.  Me, doing whatever I want – be-damned how it affects someone else, isn’t always the best life choice.

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As for the “body shaming” – it’s the exact opposite.  Society holds women’s bodies to be so freaking awesome, we can hardly stand it.  Guys so love everything about us, that the mere thought of it makes them giddy.  It’s something for special occasions – say, their wedding night perhaps?  Or, to a lesser extent, lets just keep the massively flesh bearing outfits to a night out or at the beach when those around you aren’t trying to take a test?

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Shaming works both ways, and so does self-control.

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knight

 

Not *MY* child! January 13, 2013

Filed under: Family,Random thoughts — blankenmom @ 12:16 am
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Oh, you remember when…

 

 

perfect mom1

 

 

……you were the best parent there was!

  • You knew how to get children to clean their rooms and to love cleaning their rooms.
  • You knew how to keep children quiet.  To sit perfectly in every situation.
  • You knew how to get your children to listen to your every word and obey, even when you weren’t there.
  • You knew how to get a child to eat the fancy meals that you liked, so they’d be cultured and intelligent.
  • You knew how to teach every child to read by 3, be a math genius by 4 and a master at your favorite sport by 5.
  • You knew how to keep your laundry done, no matter how many kids you had.
  • You knew how to get any stain out.

 

  • You would never have a yard that looked like that because your children would always pick up every toy when they were done.
  • You would never have a van that looked like that because you wouldn’t allow food in your car.
  • Your child would never behave that way because you know how to discuss things with children.

 

My all time favorite of a “never been a parent, but still the best at it” comment: “My child would never do that!”  (Btw – since you said that, that’s the first thing they’re going to do!)

 

 

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I remember this when my boys were still very young.  Majority of my friends, family and people we were around hadn’t had children yet and I would hear all these and more, frequently.  It used to bother me until they started having children and it became entertaining.  All those things that they insisted would never happen or give me “expert” advice on – out the window!

 

This popped into my mind today as we were talking with a new mother as she was cleaning up a mess.  It wasn’t from her child, but from other children playing at the facility we were at.

“I can’t believe these kids.  They see the sign that says no kicking the ball and do it anyway?  I wouldn’t let my kid act this way?”

“Wait about 15 years and you’ll see.”

“Oh no – My son will not act this way, I know what I’m doing!”

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Parenting reality is harsh man.  It takes no prisoners…..

 

Toys get left out.  Tantrums are thrown at the worst time possible in the worst place possible.  Food is thrown out because it’s “yucky”.  Sand thrown at the play ground, no matter how much you discuss being nice.  Words you’ve never used, come out of your child’s mouth – usually at the check-out stand.  Mystery stains show up and ruin entire loads….. that have been there for two weeks, because you’re still trying to find the weird smell coming from the room that hasn’t been cleaned since…. well, who knows?  Walls get colored on and fibs get told.  And french fries will show up at some point in time at the bottom of that car, because you just. need. some. quiet.

 

 

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Now that my boys are older, I get to sit back and watch the people with younger kids tell me how to parent, and giggle.  Just as the grandparents get to sit back and giggle when I tell them my grand philosophy on parenting teenagers.  (I have none – I’m lost.  I admit it!)

 

So those of you with no children – enjoy your time in the sun as the perfect parent!

Those of you with small children – enjoy your time in the sun as an excellent parent!

Those of you with older children – enjoy your time in the sun as a good parent!

Those of you with no more children – enjoy your time in the sun and giggle at the rest of us!