2017 was a whirlwind of crazy, crazy ups and downs that left me at rock bottom. Which can be a good thing… When you’re down, you only have up to go right? So I took 2018 to get back on my feet. Recuperating takes time my friend.
This year was a great year to figure things out. Recoup. Learn. Gather. Recover. Gain back strength.
Which means next year, I can start stronger. More confident. More knowledgeable and without the fear I carried for far too long.
When people talk about getting older, I’ve always laughed. I don’t fear getting older. It means I don’t get mistaken for a teenager any longer (yes, this can be a very good thing!) and it also means I’m one year closer to fully not giving a care about others opinions. While I’m not totally there – I still wear a bra when I go places. I do have a new sense of “What-evs!”. My boys can attest to this.
The old thoughts, going back to childhood, went away.
Teachers telling me I would fail, merely for being me, went away.
Harsh words from strangers, that have held on for years, went away.
Worry about massive failure, went away.
Thinking I had to fix all the problems, went away.
They fell off on the way back up from rock bottom. They’re still down there, but they were too heavy to bring back up with me.
A sermon discussing Job has been going through my head the last few months. The pastor talked about Satan telling God that Job failed because he railed against Him. He complained, and groaned.
God told Satan, “Yes, but he still came to me to do those things. He never turned away from Me, and he never disobeyed. He did not fail.”
Failing isn’t going through hard times. Failing is quitting during the hard times.
We started work on the bathroom – we were trying to get it done before a mission kid came from Costa Rica. It won’t happen. I discovered I have to change out the plumbing behind the wall before I can even think about tiling. Which means learning a new skill, and possibly setting the house on fire. After a day of researching, sweating, getting stressed. I finally just ordered the parts and figured – if they don’t fit, I can send it back. If my plumbing skills don’t work, I call in a plumber to fix it.
Asking for help is not failure. Not having it work the first time is not a failure. Giving up before even trying, is a failure.
Worst case scenario – I scorch the inside of the wall, lose water for a day (or so), and have to call in a plumber. But I tried. Better to have tried and failed, then to have never tried. I’d rather fail at dozens of things, than do nothing, safely, having not learned a thing.
One more year. Getting a little older. A little closer to just not caring. Learning a few more important lessons. Letting go of a few people who needed to go, and gaining a few more that are needed. I can’t think of a better way to remember a year.
What are your best memories from this last year?
My Blanken World 