We drove to our parents houses this Christmas (they live in the same town), which gave me *a lot* of thinking time.
I pondered many things on the drive…. none of them brought about world peace, stopped any diseases or saved anyone from hunger. But they did at least occupy my brain, leaving my dentist man to sit and read in a rarely gotten bit of silence for most of the way there. Merry Christmas honey-dew-melon!
Before all this – before Christmas, before Thanksgiving, I had attempted to get a seasonal job. Just something to help out with presents. In our area however, if you don’t speak Spanish – you don’t get a job. (Passing straight past the political muck on that one…. ) not to mention the new-fangled “tests” they have you do when attempting to get hired at even the most menial job. How are you supposed to answer these questions? I suddenly become the most socially inept person in society when asked these awkward questions.
These two issues collided in my head like birds into the windmills we passed as we drove. *yeah… you heard me!* As I sat, I wondered why these “tests”, with fake scenario’s as to how you’d handle certain situations in your workplace, never entail scenarios that are an actual issue? Throwing questions at you like:
“You’re co-worker isn’t folding the sweaters as efficiently and politely as you think they should be, even after your manager had a staff meeting in the morning to discuss efficiency and politeness. Do you:
- A: Tell your boss.
- B: Show them how to fold efficiently and politely, ignoring customers to do so.
- C: Work that much harder to cover for them.
- D: Work that much harder; maybe you’ll get a promotion.”
Seriously? Is this a real problem? And we all do the same thing; ignore it and complain to our friends over a drink. Where’s E?
I want some real life issues – and real answers if my employment is at stake!
“Your co-worker was on an all night bender and is now at work extremely hung over, crouched in the corner attempting to not puke. You’re doing your best to take care of her tables and yours when one of her customers makes his way into the kitchen to order for himself. Your manager is now asking you why you aren’t taking care of the customers. You:
- A: Tell the other waitress that she looks great and can totally handle crab bisque on a queasy stomach.
- B: Distract the manager by pointing out that she’s hurling in the other corner and go back to telling the customer to sit their….. buns down.
- C: Suck it up – you want those tips!
- D: Walk out and never return.”
“One of your customers takes you by the arm at self check-out and won’t allow you to get back to helping the now growing line of agitated customers, insisting on finishing the non-relevant discussion they want to have with you about something that has nothing to do with their shopping trip. The lead manager see’s you from across the store “socializing” and promptly asks your PIC to remove you from that location at once because you’re not doing your job. You:
- A: Go over to the manager and attempt to explain, making sure to use some unique hand gestures to really get your point across.
- B: Finish having the non-relevant discussion – why not, you’re already in trouble.
- C: Bite the customer – that ought to get them to leave you alone.
- D: Walk out and never return.”
“Your manager grabs you by your hair because you were too pregnant to chase down the thief that just snatched a purse from a customer. You:
- A: Spit on her. Why not make this interesting!
- B: Scream “Labor!” and waddle away quickly.
- C: Throw around some jello and yell “Girl Fight” – there could be good tips in this!
- D: Walk away and never return.”
“You go out into the parking lot after work and realize that a customer is waiting next to your car for you. You go back in to get someone to walk out with you, only to realize the only person available is the guy who tried to kiss you in the employee locker room. You:
- A: Take your chances with the creepy guy at the car – still making sure to call in if you get kidnapped so you won’t lose your job for not showing.
- B: Take your chances with the creepy employee – hey, you’ve got the creepy guy at the car to defend you.
- C: Buy a really big salami on your way out to defend yourself with.
- D: Go out the back door, take the bus home and never return.”
“The location you’re attempting to make your night delivery to is surrounded by police. You stop to assess the situation and while doing so, cause one of them to become suspicious and turn a gun on you. You:
- A: Make a run for it in your mini-van; they’ll never catch you alive man!
- B: Yell “Surprise!” That ought to make him laugh.
- C: Throw the delivery at him.
- D: Drive away and never return.”
I’m sensing a theme here… D for the win!
Wait… are you telling me these are things that only happen to me?
My Blanken World 